Almost Too Angry to Speak…Almost.
“Because of course I feared that i might be overreacting, overemotional, oversensitive, weak, playing victim, crying wolf, blowing things out of proportion, making things up. Because generations of women have heard that they’re irrational, melodramatic, neurotic, hysterical, hormonal, psycho, fragile and bossy.
Because girls are coached out of the womb to be nonconfrontational, agreeable, solicitous, deferential, demure, nurturing, to be tuned in to others, and to shrink and shut up.
Because speaking up for myself was not how I learned English. Because I’m fluent in Apology, in Question Mark, in Giggle, in Bowing Down, in Self-Sacrifice.”
― Elissa Bassist, Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture
“Did you have a good time at your daddy’s?” “Yeah.” “What did you do?” “We played, he holds me down on the bed and won’t let me up.”
It was a typical granddaughter visit day, I was making breakfast, she was playing PS4.
She said more, a lot more. Over the next 3 days, monstrous comments would come from her tiny soul.
And so it begins again, the cycle of pain, fear and grief that has been handed down from one woman to another as far back as my ears can listen. In my family, in every family.
By men. By patriarchy. By society. By those who lie, deceive and take what they want with no consequences.
It was reported. No case was opened. No charges filed. Nothing can be done.
I said the words to my daughter, dredged up from my ragged ripped up heart, ” they won’t do anything.”
The justice system and protective services do not protect the victims.
I held all my rage, sorrow, pain inside for 3 days while my granddaughter stayed until her mom could process the grief, a little for now. Then I passed my stoic mask to her, and it was my time to cry, wail and curl into a ball.
This blog is about exposure of abuses perpetrated by abusers that never see justice or accountability. It’s all I can do.
Tell your Story. Let it Be Known. Expose Abusers.